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Thursday, August 15, 2013

they said i couldn't last one day in the real world: she said, try live one night in my world.

me and my summer boy talked about mental illness.
its something that really terrifies me (because of how easy it is to fall into the addiction)
i told him about my close friend who was hurting so much 
(and i didn't know what to do)
he told me about a guy he knew who killed himself
(when it was all too much)
i got out of his car and opened the gate to his beach house in silence
it wasn't that i was sad: i just didn't know what to say
(he was worried i was sad and wound the window down to ask if i was ok.
i said yes and held his hand.)


i've never felt so helpless. i've watched my best friends hurt themselves, over and over again.
but i feel like there's no way in hell i could ever understand what they feel.
they try and explain it;
darkness
never ending
determination
relapse
crying
family
pressure
control


i respect: admire the people who beat it.
i feel like i could never be that strong.
i count myself blessed to have such a fortunate life and such a good relationship with myself,
my body, my mind. 
my main source of inspiration now (and growing up) is currently in hospital because of her battle: i only wish she saw herself the way i see her (strong, warm, funny, beautiful, unbeatable)

x

1 whispers of love:

Jamilla S said...

My friends hurting always makes me feel so helpless because I know I could never save them, they have to save themselves.

what the fuck?

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